"Am I a bad person?"
I am a 20 year old woman. I am overweight, but comfortable
with the way I look. I understand when guys don't
want to date a big girl because I am not interested
in big guys. My question is does this make me a bad
person. I don't get mad at guys if they turn me down
becuase of my weight so I don't see why it is so bad
for me to not like heavy guys. People at work give
me crap and say that I won't give the guys a chance,
but how can you date someone you aren't physically
atracted to? Can you help me?
- love_2_live
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On 3/4/2004, stefan102079 responded:
HI there as a fellow overweight person I have found
out that you should go for whats on the inside get
to know the person really well you may find that person
more attractable on the inside than the outside.
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On 3/3/2004, AndiJxo responded:
Love to Live, Nope, I don't think you are a bad
person at all. You are being honest with yourself
and with others. How can that be bad? Why on earth
would you want to date someone you don't want to
kiss, hug or hold hands with? A friend of mine is
overweight, and same as you she is not attracted
to big guys, and she got the same crap at work and
even from some of our other friends. She tried dating
big guys, several times, and it didn't work. Because
in many cases their bad habits and self destructive
behavior were her bad habits and self destructive
behavior. Not a good mix. It wasn’t like she
was looking for a body builder or model. (Who is
really? LOL) She just wanted a nice average guy,
with a nice average job, and twisted sense of humor
to match her own. She hung in there, dated about
everyone in our city and finally met her prince.
While her new husband is no ones definition of a
small guy, he isn’t “big” either.
(The man is 6’6”, so tall certainly,
but not really overweight.) Stick to your guns and
be true to yourself, “The One” will
come along. Join interest groups here on FF (they
are great! I’ve met some really terrific people
from all over the world!) Maybe take a class that
interests you, or pick up a new hobby. (That can
be done in a group setting) That way when you do
meet someone you know you already have something
in common, and you can let your personality shine
through! Good Luck to You Hon – and don’t
let the jerks get you down!
~Andi
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On 3/3/2004, AmericanCyrano responded:
We are all entitled to our tastes and preferences.
It does not make you a bad person anymore than being
a blonde preferring to fall in love with a brunette
or a person of one race liking people from a differnet
one. Variety is the spice of life!
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On 3/3/2004, trash4 responded:
You are not a bad person., attraction is important
whether it be looks or personality.
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On 3/3/2004, MusicIsMyLife responded:
I think that if you are not attracted to him, you
should not date him. You have to be able to say
you had a good time at the end of the date. Maybe
as friends?
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On 3/3/2004, sophiaseagull responded:
Of course you are not a bad person if you don't
want to date someone you aren't physically attracted
to. However, many of us are afraid to tell "no"
because we have been taught the virtues of self-sacrifice
and self-denial so our saying "no" can
be disrespectful or even insulting (as if other
people's happiness depends on our agreeing)and therefore
we value others' opinion more than ours. So everytime
we have to turn down somebody we are feeling consumed
with guilt and start hurting our own feelings. I
don't think you really need somebody's help. All
you need is to undersatnd and finally accept your
own limits and love yourself as you are. It's not
that bad to be a little selfish nowadays in order
to keep a balanced and sane personal life! You are
a human being and it's your right to date only those
you are attracted to.
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On 3/3/2004, Justwantfun3 responded:
You need to judge people on what is in there heart
not on what they look like.
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On 3/3/2004, SassySingleMom7 responded:
I have EXACTLY the same problem. I'm overweight
(working on that but it's a slow process). I'm not
interested in overweight guys. But my family/friends
say I shouldn't be so picky because I'm overweight
myself. I can't help who I'm attracted to and not
attracted to.
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On 3/3/2004, BigBootieBabe responded:
It's true, you can't have a relationship with someone
your not attracted to. However why does that stop
you from just going out on a date? You never know,
you might be so attracted to their personality that
you don't care about the way they look anymore,
and even if that doesn't happen... one date isn't
going to kill you, and you might make a friend out
of the experience. In the end, your not a 'bad person'
you just need to be a bit more open to what big
men have to offer. Good luck!
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On 3/3/2004, Vivekana responded:
It doesn't make you a bad person, just one of the
many who holds inconsistent views/realities. It's
not a bad situation (nor does it make you a bad
person), but it does require special handling. It's
clearly not hipocritical because you're upfront
and honest about the way you feel. I hitch-hike,
but that doesn't mean I pick up EVERY hitch-hiker
I see either. Stay the course and continue to maintain
your high standards - you can date someone you're
not physically attracted to if you get to know the
inner them. Dating need not have sex in mind; there's
lots of different chemistries.
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On 3/3/2004, THUNDER_HEART4 responded:
the key to ur problem is to be urself.i mean be
united with urself as it is.if u like it as it is
then just wait for the proper time when someone
likes u as u r..it's hard i know.the other way is
try 2 change ..u know make ur personality attracts
more than ur body..u know how i look and how physically
i look is just a door to start a relation and it
is indeed important but it doesn't last forever
u may be so cute and attractive but when we start
2 know each other i just run away.got what i mean?
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On 3/3/2004, scott7023 responded:
you have a right to pick whom you want after all
your the one that has to be with that person and
further more your the one has to make yourself happy
. who care s what other says . worry about yourself
dear
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On 3/3/2004, OTRChef responded:
Your comfortable with the way you look but not with
others who look as you do? No your not bad...your
hypocritical. You friends say you won't give guys
a chance. Fact is, you won't give yourself a chance.
If you judge others solely by looks, so shall you
be judged. Help yourself by looking inward to find
the beauty within; in doing so you may recognize
it in others.
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